"Why, for example, do the great writers use anticipation instead of surprise? Because surprise is merely an...
I just finished up another year at San Diego Comic Con. Sales were fine, and I met plenty of fans, but...
1 - Poop
a - toddler, not unlike grown up poop. In fact, it is grown up poop.
b - breastfed baby poop. Rather pleasant actually, but still. Poop.
c - Cat.
2 - Vomit
a - young breastfed baby. EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME.
b - older formula fed baby. Smellier. Often on bedsheets.
c - your own vomit, in various configurations, everyday for about 3 months. (See 3a).
d - Cat.
3 - Toilet
a - might not realize how stinky they can get until you have your face in it day after day.
4 - Diaper Pail
5 - Pee
a - Toddler pees through diaper, wets bed. That you are sleeping on her with.
b - Toddler removes diaper while you are taking a 2 minute shower. She sits in her stroller and pees.
c - Son pees on your shorts while you are undressing him for a bath.
d - Cat.
6 - Feet
a - Husband
b - Toddler
7 - Breath
a - Morning: self
b - Morning: toddler
c - Morning: husband
So Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a little girl, and they hath dubbed the girl child Penelope Scotland. Let’s ignore the middle name, as celebrities have been naming their progeny after countries and land masses for years, and focus on that first one. It’s MY first name. (And congratulations to them, because new baby smell! Yay. And blood clots, and post-partum hair loss, and constipation. Good fun.)
Tina Fey had a girl last year, and also named her Penelope. Like any two VERY different celebrities, Tina Fey (who I LOVE) and Kourtney Kardashian (who I kinda like; my favorite is Khloe. Don’t judge me for having a favorite.) have the power to either make people love them or hate them intensely. And, of course, have the power to impact the world. Tina Fey inadvertently swung a presidential election and Kourtney, along with her family, is systematically destroying the letter C. There will probably be an uptick in the amount of little baby girls to be named Penelope. I don’t know how I feel about this.