If my brain were a gumbo, it'd have yarn, pens, paper, diapers, books, coconut rum.
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Why are you always so nonchalant and uninterested in things, Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

Can’t believe that’s the kid from Angels in the Outfield.

(via athousandpieces)


“It’s all right to love someone who doesn’t love you back, as long as they’re worth you loving them. As long as they deserve it.” 

I cannot agree with this. They may be worthy of love as a person; them not loving you back does not make them innately bad. But it is not all right, because someone who doesn’t love you back probably never will, and love that isn’t reciprocated is one of the crappiest things there is. And in that time that you spend loving them, you waste time you could have spent loving yourself. And loving yourself often leads to someone loving you.

(via alohomorashlie)

1 - Poop

     a - toddler, not unlike grown up poop. In fact, it is grown up poop.

     b - breastfed baby poop. Rather pleasant actually, but still. Poop.

     c - Cat.

2 - Vomit

     a - young breastfed baby. EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME.

     b - older formula fed baby. Smellier. Often on bedsheets.

     c - your own vomit, in various configurations, everyday for about 3 months. (See 3a).

     d - Cat.

3 - Toilet

     a - might not realize how stinky they can get until you have your face in it day after day.

4 - Diaper Pail

5 - Pee

    a - Toddler pees through diaper, wets bed. That you are sleeping on her with.

    b - Toddler removes diaper while you are taking a 2 minute shower. She sits in her stroller and pees.

    c - Son pees on your shorts while you are undressing him for a bath.

    d - Cat.

6 - Feet

   a - Husband

   b - Toddler

7 - Breath

   a - Morning: self

   b - Morning: toddler

   c - Morning: husband


Please note: I only used the word “disturbing” because I never wanted a son who’d grow up to be like Eddie Izzard.

I would love it if my son grew up to be like Eddie Izzard. He would use all the cosmetics I buy but never use.

I seriously just applauded.

I seriously just applauded.

(via alohomorashlie)


I love this song and I love this video and I love Bryan Tanaka.

I just miss when famous people wore pants.



“So, like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” Well, it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ‘cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that, like, did not R.S.V.P. I was, like, totally buggin.’ I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.” - Cher Horowitz

If you don’t have this memorized, your priorities are messed up.

 Word! I have this movie MEMORIZED FOR REALS. Don’t know if that’s good or bad…but it’s me.

(via tyleroakley)

Love that candle.


I don’t entertain much. Usually it’s just soup for one, salad for one, wine for three.

(via athousandpieces)

So Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a little girl, and they hath dubbed the girl child Penelope Scotland. Let’s ignore the middle name, as celebrities have been naming their progeny after countries and land masses for years, and focus on that first one. It’s MY first name. (And congratulations to them, because new baby smell! Yay. And blood clots, and post-partum hair loss, and constipation. Good fun.)

Tina Fey had a girl last year, and also named her Penelope. Like any two VERY different celebrities, Tina Fey (who I LOVE) and Kourtney Kardashian (who I kinda like; my favorite is Khloe. Don’t judge me for having a favorite.) have the power to either make people love them or hate them intensely. And, of course, have the power to impact the world. Tina Fey inadvertently swung a presidential election and Kourtney, along with her family, is systematically destroying the letter C. There will probably be an uptick in the amount of little baby girls to be named Penelope. I don’t know how I feel about this.

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That is such a nice looking nail salon. They should all be like that. Instead of harsh lighting and Top 40 radio.



Alex hasn’t had to make a decision this important since Tom Cruise asked her to sign a marriage contract in 2006.